What Is Our Secret?

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What Is Our Secret?

August 8, 2017 is an important milestone in our lives. On that date, my beloved wife Elfa and I are celebrating 50 years of our marriage. I am often asked, “What is your secret?” I could give a very simple answer – “I do not have secrets”. However, you might not believe me and suspect that I am keeping something. Therefore, I will just give you a short tour through our life together and perhaps you will find the answer to your quest of how to live long and happy life together.

Elfa and I were both born in Riga, Latvia, which at that time was part of the former Soviet Union. We met at a party, when we were both nineteen, to which Elfa came with her date and I with mine. When I saw her, the rest of the world melted away. I danced with her all evening, and from that day we were together every day. Some months later, there was another party. We were both in charge of planning. I had to get the food (my father worked in the food industry, which was a huge advantage when there was a scarcity of everything). Elfa offered her skills to prepare the food. At that moment I joked that if I liked her cooking I would marry her. The joke persisted when later on that evening, after a few drinks, I took a friend’s ring and put it on Elfa’s finger. It took us another nine months before we were officially married in the City Hall and I put the real ring on her finger. From the start, Elfa knew that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Fifty years later, I still enjoy her cooking. My job is to clean the kitchen. From the start of our relationship we agreed that we were going to always be together. Now we even go grocery shopping together.

Two years after our marriage, we decided to immigrate to Israel. This was a decision which led to many challenging events in our lives, since it took three years for this dream to realize. During this time, I kept working and going to school at night.

Our daughter Alona was growing up with her grandmother, while Elfa was fighting the government for permission to leave the Soviet Union, and we were told that we would never leave Riga. Her efforts and the support of Americans under the slogan “Let My People Go!” helped. One day we received a phone call that we have to leave in two weeks.

From the beginning of our marriage, we lived together with my wife’s mother Masha. Until her death many years later in our home in San Francisco, we always traveled through life together. Since I was surrounded by women of different ages (our daughter Tamar was born in Israel), I have a deep appreciation for the energy a woman brings to her partner’s life. Some time ago I wrote that “In a good relationship there is no right or wrong. There is only right and you know who she is”. Life in Israel was challenging, invigorating and very rewarding. We learned a lot and became people who were ready to move forward. Our reason to come to America, and ending up in San Francisco was to further our education. I wanted to get an MBA. Elfa dreamed of being a fashion designer. When the five of us immigrated here, we all became students. My dream was that one day we would have our own fashion company. It was quite a jump from my engineering background. To learn the business, I joined Helga Howie – a women’s high fashion company in San Francisco, as Vice President. Elfa was working for another fashion company. But my goal was to earn more money. I soon learned that the easy way to make a million dollars in the fashion business is by investing two million. Therefore, when I met Tom Grundy, my future manager at the Colwell Financial mortgage bank and he told me that I could double what I earned before, I only asked, “Where do I sign?” My family worried about my earning a commission-only salary, since I had to feed them. Thirty-four years later I’m still earning a commission. In 1985, our dream of working together with Elfa came true when we started Pacific Bay Financial Corporation. The following thirty-two years have been a wonderful journey full of excitement, challenges, and opportunities and, yes, love. We’ve survived and prospered thanks to our love for what we do, the people we work with and serve, and our family and love of each other.

OK, I will divulge one of my secrets. “The woman is always right; as long as she allows the man to do things his way only to discover that she was right from the start.” There is another Russian version of this bit of wisdom—“If I was only as smart then, as my wife is now”. In most of successful relationships, the man is the head of the family and the woman is the neck. Where the neck turns, is where the head looks. Next week I will share with you some more of my observations of how to achieve a lasting relationship.

P.S. You do not have to wait for a special occasion to express your feelings and appreciation. Flowers (especially roses) are always appreciated. My four images of roses are not exactly what you can buy in a flower shop.

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Cheers,

Manny<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> Signature